I Could Totally Take Heidi Coleman

My Room
About to Nap
1:33 pm
Thursday, April 28, 2005

I Could Totally Take Heidi C. [edited due to personal complaint]

She is the head of the University Theater Department. Which sucks a lot. Naked Theater was made in reaction to UT, because they're bureaucratic and soul-sucking. I mean, truely horrible -- they crush the fabulous, artistic, creative spirit. So here's what went down.

Chris and I went to meet the Bill Michael (Dean of Student Life) to see about procuring a space for Naked Theater. Naked is the theater comapny I'm invovled in, in case you missed that. We were started last year, and we we're already growing, expanding, creating traditions, and making beautiful, inspiring work. We need a theater. Why is it that UT has permenant jurisdicition over all the theaters on campus? Can Naked have the BJ Theater since UT has never never done a production in there? These are the questionst that took Chris and I to Bill Michael. He was so helpful. He listened and I think he understands our position, our legitmate reasons for complaint. He said we needed to go talk to Heidi Coleman to see what the procedure are that are already in place for using their theaters. So we did.

And goddamn, she's the biggest bitch ever. Yes, she doesn't like Naked Theater. That's fine. I don't like UT. But she had no right to treat me that way. I don't care what organization I'm from, or how our artisitic opinions differ. Neither of us had ever met her before. She was rude. She was condescending. She refused to listen to our opinions. It was horrible.

So, Naked Theater is in a battle now. We're trying to get space, Chris and I may go and file a formal complaint against that Crusty Cunt formally, with her boss. We're up in arms though. I say Bring It. I can totally take Heidi C. We're going to talk about it at the meeting tonight. Which I'm chairing. Good God.

In other news, Life's okay. My dad bought me a new car! A Honda Element. Yea, I'm excited. Good times. I gave a campus tour to children today. I have meetings upon meetings for many many things. I with I didn't have to work, I mean at STRIVE. But, I need money. Budget for Naked is due in a week. God I'm a bureaucrate sometimes. At leat I use bureacrative power for good, right?

I had a paper due yesterday that went well. I realized I'm really quite good at reading and thinking about what I find therein. It's pretty sweet. I mean, I realized that that's my life. I was a little strung out, "Oh, God. I wrote this paper all day. I had to get up and read, and write and ohh poor me." Then I realized, damn, I've got it good. This is a great life.

The play's going . . .eh. We open in two weeks, and the actors need to get their act together, remove their collective heads from their asses and get serious. Honestly, they're the ones that'll look stupid on opening night, not me. Not Ben. It's stressful, and I'm behind in my work. C'est la vie.

Nap Time!

The Girls of Bonnaroo

Work
About to go to Rehearsal
7:52 pm
Monday, April 25, 2005

The Girls of Bonnaroo

I don't know what the deal is, but the girlfriends of my friends, with whom I'm going to Bonnaroo with have all been facebook messaging me this week. It's kinda odd. As a general rule, not so much with me being good friends with chicks. I'm a little worried -- this guys are my best friends,and we've been planning on going to Bonnaroo since before this ladies came into the picture. Yes, I want to meet them, get to know them, so on and so forth, but that's not my main goal. These people are my life, my connections to home, and I want to spend time with them. It'll be highly annoying if a) I don't ever get to spend quality time with them because of their female companions, and/or b) they decide that I have to be "one of the girls" and don't understand that they're not my first priority. I also hope they don't see me as a threat, because Lord knows I'm not. The whole idea of other girls -- not that I'm not a girl, but I'm a tad different, as Eric says, I socially carry myself like a dude, I didn't get invovled with bullshit, and I don't gossip, freak out, etc, etc. I'm just worried, because I have a pretty shitty history when other females, especially of the girlfriend variety, enter the group of dudes I hang out with. They tend to dislike me, band together against me. I think this stems from not being able to understand that 1) i relate to their boyfriends differently then they do (aka: purely intellectually and socially), and 2) being restentful of that. I'm a big huge worry wart, but that's what on my mind. And lord knows what Baylor Bitches will be comign with Eric. I mean, if there's a couple, then that frees me from having to straddle the line between the girlfriends, and the guys. Ah, whatever. Ultimately, I'm not going to worry about it. Well, okay, that's a lie. I'm going to think about it, but there's not a goddamn thing I can do. I'm going to trust that my friends have good taste in women romantically, and leave it at that. Oh, i just pray there isn't any drama.

4 Good Things

1. I'M GOING TO PARIS IN THE AUTUMN. FOR 10 WEEK. ME. PARIS. 10 WEEKS. FUCK YEA!
2. I'm about to take a nap.
3. It's not fucking freezing outside anymore like it was Friday/Saturday.
4. My classes continue to be challenging, but interesting, and not completely over my head.

Since my last post was so depressing -- I still have no idea what the fuck was wrong with me -- I decided to counter it was goodness.

Yea. Paris. It hasn't really hit me yet. I still have to jack with financial aide and see how much this is going to cost out of pocket, yadda yadda, but if I have to lease my soul to the devil to use as he will, by GOD I'm going to Paris. You know how long I've wanted to go to Paris? Forever. I can honestly say that. My mom predicts that I'll fall in love with a Parisien and move to France, and she'll have to come to Paris to see her grandkids. Oh, pity her. Oh. She frustrates me. In the same breathe she tells me not to get too excited because she doesn't know how I'll pay for it, then starts talking about Joseph and her visiting. Oh that's annoying.

But back to the good. This gives me more of a reason to dislike Bush: the dollar is sucking balls against the Euro right now. But I'll take financial woe, debt, what have you for the experience. Life is fabulous.

Oh, and all you people about to get out of school suck a lot. I have midterms this week. Yeech. And the show opens in23 days. Good God!

What the Fuck is Wrong with Me?

My Room
AHH
5:56 pm
Friday, April 22, 2005

What the Fuck is Wrong with Me?

I don't know what my damn deal is. I"ve been sleeping. I've been eating. I've been going to class, living my life. I've been doing good.

I think I have a stomach virus, and I'm not going to see this play with my friends tonight consequentially. Rationally, I know that this is the right thing to do -- I need to sleep, and not vomit. But I feel like such a loser, so lonely.

What's wrong with me? My friends want me to go, I want to go, but can't. I know it doens't mean that they don't like me. I just feel so lost and alone, and sucky.

Maybe I didn't stave off the crazies after all.
I'm going to go cry in bed. I'm the biggest loser ever.

As I Got Ready This Morning

Getting Ready
"Wolffman's Brother"
11:15 am
Thursday, April 21, 2005

As I Got Ready This Morning. . .

I thought about:
The unifiy force of hating East Texas
Rachel Landau's desperate need of adaquate boob support
Elephants
Tall Blond Bio-Chemists. Sigh.
The Wonder that is Phish
Bin Fink being Lonely
Rachael and Dan -- worry worry worry
The lack of good seafood in Chicago
Bonnaroo
Tall Bold Bio-Chemists. Non-sigh?
My need to practifce for Belly Dancing on Friday
Turtles. Name Doo-Dad
My Daddy
My Middle Name
How E-Reserve Sucks Sometimes
Damn, Eric's taking a lot of science classes
How I'm proud of him, and Bryan
How my new job kicks the shit out of my current one
not smoking cigarettes
Alumni functions. In alumni house. Today.
Do I look alright?
Who is this Edna-Alumni Lady, and what does she want from me.
Will I get a Student Leader Award?
2 months rent would be sweet-ass
The Streets of Denton
How sad it is that Sean sucks now.
How stupid his new girlfriend is.
How I'm a self-righteous bitch. But rightfully so, huh?
Birthcontrol is "The pill." What does that say about America. What about the pill that stops polio?
My new car.
Cute and Small things that make me happy.
Spring!
How slow Karl walks and what I can do to fix that.
Dreaming Dreams Dream
AHHH! DO I HAVE A LOT OF READING TO DO!!!
AND A PAPER DUE WEDNESDAY!!
Tasty Apartment of Love
Karl. Karl.
Alii left her shoes in here. In the middle of the floor. Grrr.
Why did we go to the bar on a Wednesday?
Zoomie Appocalypse
Bonnie Varner asked me to be her Facebook friend
States of Moral Bankruptatude
Sucky Ex-Boyfriends
Fake Meat vs. Tofu
Stupid Baylor Bitches
Bong.
Bill Volk singing "Fuck Her Gently:" hehehe.
Me singing.
Voice Lessons!
Missing out when I'm in Paris.
Paris! Oh! I want to go to Paris!
Ehh. Finding shoes to match this skirt.
Getting my ass to French Lecture
Weird Short Stories in French.
Mummy Feet. Who buys a mummy foot?

And many man many more.

4/20

My Room
About to Go to French
Early, Again
Happy to Be Alive
8:49 am
Wednesday, April 20, 2005

4/20

This day makes me a bit nostalgic and sad. I remember this day from high school -- skipping class to go to Sean's where we'd all meet up and try out best to get as retarded as possible, as quickly as possible. Those days usually ended with beer, at the lake. Those people I don't miss, but those were formative times. Happy Birthday Theron.

But I also remember my new family of friends, and it's not so much the past 4/20s, as I want to be a part of this one. I miss them. I wish I was in Texas to celebrate this glorious day, and the wonderfulness of our youth and friendship.

Alas, I have to go to class. Well, at least it's Spring! Alii and I will celebrate and start our own traditions, so there.

11 Hour Days

My Room
Oh Tasty Live Phish!
Glad to be Not Doing Anything
10:02 pm
Monday, April 18, 2005

11 Hour Days

Mondays can be hard. I usually wake-up feeling unrested, unprepared, angsty, achey, and generally put-out. I stummble through making coffee, practically slamming it down as quickly as possible, holding the mug to achor me to the day, to make the lists stay still, as I gather the energy to conquor the day.

I've found myself having to do that more and more lately: gather the willpower to live my life. To be able to beathe, retain sanity in this atmosphere of so little Me Time, I have to be an expert, supremo climber of Mount Organize Everything. Don't get me wrong -- I love my life, but damn those 11 hour days.

But it's not just Mondays. I've been drinking more coffee, but not because I enjoy the flavor, smell, and taste, which I do greatly. But to anchor myself to Life. As I don't have three minutes to my name, always something, SOMETHING to accomplish, something that doesn't get done, not enough sleep to keep me going, sanity slowly slipping, that coffee is the one solid, whole thing in the world. So I hang on for dear life. Cigarettes too.

This weekend was hard. Karl's birthday was Friday, and I wasn't really handling people well that day. I could feel the panic attack crawling around under my skin, distracting me. I was jittery, jumpy and generally strung out. I didn't go to class, because I absolutely had to get more then four hours of sleep for once -- I was shaking. I almost screamed walking across the quadl, and only to find myself losing my way in modern Marxist theory on social revolutions, drinking coffee with all my being twenty minutes later. I had to sing in public at the Benefit Concert for ACW. That was, nerve wracking to say the least, the very least.

But Today!

Today, I woke up early to finish some homework, and go make-up a French quiz, made interesting points from the readings and personal knowledge in Gesture, lauged in ASL, and understood the lecture in Social Movements. I went to work.

And it didn't take a super-human, gut-wrenching display of will, sheer will to make the whole day possible.

I understood French class. I meet Matt for lunch. I read outside, on the Quads in the 76 degree weather, I took a nap during the break at work and got paid for it. I saw Karl, and will see him again.

It feels good to be balanced again. I can't say I know exactly what did it, but I've staved off the Crazies for a bit longer. At least I know what's happeneing, at least I understand my mental state, at least I use the manic. Way to go me. I totally win.

This is What My Life Has Become

"Boire du café empêche de dormir. Par contre, dormir empêche de boire du café."
-- Ph. Geluck.

What? I'm Really Going? SWEET!

@ Work
Not sleepy for once. Weird.
Hungry.
10:41 am
Saturday, April 16, 2005

What? I'm Really Going? SWEET!

Bryan bought my plane ticket yesterday, so I'm really, truely, going to Bonnaroo. I almost can't believe it. I've wanted to go for so long, it's been my mecca, and finally, I'm really going. True, I'm up to my eyeballs in debt, but that't a-OK.

Oh! I went and put the deposit down on my apartement yesterday. Hooray! I have a place to live! I couldn't be happier. And Julie said I could pay several months in advance, which is awesome. Since Mom gave me all the money she's going to for a while, I want to put it towards rent before I'm tempted to spend it.

THE WAILERS WERE THE SHIT. Just thought I'd let y'all know. It made me miss Bryan, and Eric bad though. I remember at ACL last year, we were at some other show (Wilco?) and then they announced, kinda haphazardly, that The Wailers had been moved/switched time etc. Off Bryan and I go, running running to the Wailers. It was great. We got there just in time to realize we're out of shape, smoke, and jam our faces off. Park West is a really neat facility: small, intimate, swanky, but with an awesome stage. I wish it had been louder though. There was this really drunk guy standing behind me, screaming along -- it kinda sucked, but eventually, all of us around him joined forces and asked him quietly to be less obnoxious.

Other then that, life's been pretty all right. I was going crazy yesterday -- literally losing my grip on sanity/reality. So, I took a mental health day, and instead gather my wits about me. That was such a good call. Sometimes I just feel my entire mental construct get shaky, and I know that it'll crack, crumble and fall if I'm not careful. But, I was able to keep my shit together. It was Karl's birthday, so I told him that what he gets is me not going crazy. He said that's what he's always wanted. Such a nice boy.

Tonight we're having "This is NOT an a cappella concert: a Naked Theatre Benefit." I've been drafted into singing "Big Spender." How come I always have to play the whore? What's that about? I don't know if it's going to come together though. We'll see. I haven't sang for people in so long, I'm not sure I'm up to it, truth be told. I'll do my best.

Then there's a party at the Shoreland, which can only end in tragedy. But, nonetheless, off I go. I'll get to hang out with Chris Perry, which is the shit.

Anywho, I'm going to go read about gesture theory, and see if any of the kids showed up today. Peace out. Bonnaroo!! Hoooray!!

Why Don't You Just Rock Me Retarded?

My Room
Going to be Late for Rehearsal
6:41 pm
Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Why Don't You Just Rock Me Retarded?

Lalapalooza is going to be in Chicago, in Grant Park, July 22-24. Guess who's playing?

WIDESPREAD MUTHERFUCKIN' PANIC

Yea, so it's not big deal that I didn't get to see them in the non-dance friendly envrons their first time through.

Bonnaroo, then Lalapalooza. Chicago just about rocks me retarded.

Not Too Bad

My Mom's House
Drinking Coffee and Eating Apple Pie
About to go Through stuff in Basement
Generally impressed by the non-suckiness
Happy to go Home Today
9:45 am
Sunday, April 10, 2005

Not Too Bad

Yup, you read that right. I'm here, at my mother's house, and it's not too bad. We went to see the Detroit Tigers play the Cincinatti Red Skins yesterday, and DAMN I love baseball. I mean, truely deeply, love love love baseball. That's a good thing I got from Sean that I refuse to give back, or give up. So there.

We went and ate Mexican food, after taking a nap -- who would of thought that drinking lots of beer and sitting in the sun would make you sleepy? Strange point in fact: I've drank more in quantity and on more occassions, with my Mother, this weekend, then I have in a long, long time. Hehehe.

Honestly, I don't have that much to say. I want to go on a diatribe about my how the airport is a holy place for me, and about my love for humanity at a baseball game, but not now, not now. This really hasn't been that bad.

As I tell everyone, really, my mom and I work much better when we only see each other ever 3-6 months. Word.

Good Life

My Room
End of the Day
Karl'll be Here Soon
Happy, but Worn Out
Detroit is Coming . . .
11:56 pm
Wednesday, April 6, 2005

Good Life

Damn, I love my life. For all the stress, lack of sleep, over-workedness, and general shit-I-gripe-about, I really, truely am so glad and thankful for my existance. I was reading Lauren's blog today http://pinkpostit.blogspot.com and I was moved. Maybe that's why we're so very similar -- she calls it God, I call it Life.

But the point still stands. I am all I've got, truth be told, and that is a wonderful reality to which I am fully awake. My life is mine to life, create, mold, fufill a I see fit, and do that I shall. I'm all about embracing life, challenges and rewards, struggles and hardships, squeezing every ounce of goodness out of it I can.

I am marvelous, perfect, brillant, lovely, fabulous and wonderful. I have beautiful, brillant friends whom I love deeply and whom love me too. I have creative outlets, and my mind is definately engaged. I eat well, don't sleep enough, but am generally in good spirits. I have a summer of saving the world to look forward to, fall in Paris (hopefully; they started a new fall civilization program, so things are looking good), and my apartment.

I've made it my goal this quarter to be more thankful. Specifically thankful to people who do nice things for me, are nice people, and generally augment my life just by being in it. I've also started taking more time to be thankful to Life in general. Thankful for who I am, what I can do, and the opportunities I've been given/am given to do things that make my soul happy. I've been sending thankful emails, letters, and generallly making time for thankfulness. It fills me with a great sense of satisfaction and peace. I wish that for all my friends, so you there, reading this, give it a try.

Thank time to give thanks, take time to be give.
I'm gonna stop and think twice about the way I've been living.
Did I say a kind word?
Am I proud of my actions?
A job well done give me satisfaction.

SCI

Yet Another Week

My Room
Drinking Coffee
About to go to another Summer Links Interview
Sleepy!
8:22 am
Tuesday, April 5, 2005

Yet Another Week

Here I go again. I have to remain focused, clear minded and prioritized to make it through this quarter. Wish me luck.

Today I'm interviewing at the South Side Art Center, where I would be in charge of the community garden, participate in arts and crafts activities, and play theatre games with kids. Sweeet huh? As if that's not cool enough, it's also really close, especially when I move into The Apartment.

After that, lunch with Alii, reading reading reading (who's idea was it to take 1 1/2 grad level classes?!?!), then work from 2:30 - 5:00 (where I'll be working on financial aid stuff. Fun Fun.) Then I'm babysitting from 5:45 - 8:30 ish. Then rehearsal. Then I have to write a paper for French, in French. Lordy. I can do it. I have faith. But, I can nap on Wednesday. Sleep is for the weak.

I'm going to Detroit this weekend, and I refuse to freak out. I mean, I don't have the time or energy for all that right now, truth be told.

Oh, and I somehow need to come up with $1,000 in the next three weeks to make my down payment and first months rent. Good Lord. I'm going to talk to Mom and Joseph, and if all else fails, Bryan said he'd lend me money. Damn I love that kid.

I'm just taking heart in the fact that in about a week, everything will be easier. We'll be done with primary scheduling at STRIVE, and I'll be done interviewing. I'll get my Tuesdays/ Thursdays back. Hooray!

AHHH! Okay. Now that that's out of my system. Off to conquor the world . I'm just going to have faith: faith in myself to get all this shit done, faith in the universe in not giving me more then I can handle, and at least an iota of faith in my mother to help me out.

Did I mention I still need to do my taxes and financial aid? Goddamn!

Ahh!

Ahh!
Originally uploaded by Miaisma.

Portland pic!

Distant Mist

Distant Mist
Originally uploaded by Miaisma.

Portland pics!

Mt. St. Helens

Mt. St. Helens
Originally uploaded by Miaisma.

Portland pics!

Alli and I Mt. St. Helens

Alli and I Mt. St. Helens
Originally uploaded by Miaisma.

Portland Pics!

Keller On Stage

Keller On Stage
Originally uploaded by Miaisma.

This is from when I saw him before Spring Break. It was the shit, need I say.

Merit School of Music

Wating for Alii so we can work to class
Excited!
9:02 am
Friday, April 1, 2005

Merit School of Music

I had the first of my 5 internship interviews yesterday, and I think it went very well.

The Merit School of Music is a non-profit that reaches 6,000 kids a week through their programs, the main one of which is paying for professional teachers to teach in public schools that are experiencing budget cuts. They also host over 1,000 kids on-site a week for intense lessons with an outstanding staff. They offer classes in brass, woodwinds, piano, guitar, strings, voice, and drums.

What would I be doing? I would organize the Merit Music Festival, which happens at the end of the summer to showcase the work of the kids in the summer camp. Did I mention they have a musical theatre camp? They're ears perked up when I told them of my theatrical leanings. After the summer camp, which I would help administer, I would be able to TA a music class (theory, strings, guitar, whatever I wanted to reallly) and work on the fall applications, and organizing a week of music events to celebrate the fabulous new building they're about to move into.

They asked if I'd be interested in working this fall too. They're starting an adult class in the autumn, so maybe, hopefully, I could start playing bass or cello again. How awesome would that be? Voice lessons! And I'm already thinking that Naked Theatre needs to do something with their Musical Theatre classes.

Yea, I'm really excited.