Canasta, Cupid and Being Poked By God

UCSC
Should be working. . .
1:44 pm
Tuesday, February 14, 2005

Canasta, Cupid, and Being Poked by God


I have safely returned from the Land of Milk and Honey -- or Sourdough Bread and Wine as the case may be. And it was lovely. Beyond lovely. Transcendent, shall we say?

My Aunt Lori is as amazing as ever: insightful, straight forward, hilarious, discombobulated, and full of life. My Uncle Vick learned long ago to hold his tongue in a house full of women, yet retained his ingenious ability to take no shit without being an ass. Aunt Jaynie, as always, was like a sweater for my soul as my Grandma continues to be the sweetest person in the universe. If she were an animal, she would be a bunny rabbit. A baby bunny rabbit.

One day, I will live in San Francisco. This became clear immediately upon arrival. The fact that it's the only place in the world where the quality of food compares with Europe -- that alone made me a goner. Tie that to the ocean, the weather, the friendly people, public transit and a dedicated sense of Doing The Right and Healthy Thing makes it the town for me. A Ph.D in philosophy from the People's Republic of Berkeley. I only hope I'm that lucky. I could focus on Metaphysics. Yea, basically, that's what needs to happen.

"I would rather be a lucky man, then a good man."

Then, after tons of family and food, I played Canasta with Yitz. Let it to suffice to say it was good. The best kind of good I know. We were "those people," after spending ill-begotten funds on glorious wine. We got lost in the Tender Knob, enjoyed amazing view and connected. Connected in a way I haven't connected with another human being in a long time, perhaps ever. And he will show up on my doorstep before too long. I'll keep hoping it's tomorrow, and one day it will be.

Only, when that does happen, I'll probably be in OKC. The TBB is going to fly me to Oklahoma City (hopefully) sometime soon. But I, as always, take that with a gigantic slab of salt. Or heroin, which ever the case may be. This man I love is finally taking the steps needed to put himself in order. A scary step which I respect and admire greatly. Yet, I have a reticence to emotionally invest -- he may disappear tomorrow. So, what do I do? Keep on loving (as if I had a choice) without counting on him for emotional support. And deal with the fact that the Universe enjoys poking me. At least God finds my life entertaining, right?

Last but not least: Valentine's Day. I still feel exactly as I did one year ago today.

"On Valentine's Day though, I have a few thoughts. Why is it that people feel this is the day to express love? Why not Febraury 23? Or March 2? I feel that love is not expressed enough in general, and feeling like Febraury 14 is the day to do it because Hallmark tells you to is lame. I want to show the people I love that I love them more then one day a year. In fact, let's strive for everyday, with small displays of affection, caring, trust -- love. I saw so many people carrying bears and chocolates, flowers and cards, and I said, "That's so expected. Now if someone gave me flowers tomorrow, that would be exciting." Alii did buy me flowers though, since she's my surrogate boyfriend, and they are lovely. It's the principle really -- why should our ideas of love be shaped and controlled by commercial America? People don't touch enough, connect enough, love enough and being forced to do it on this specific day smacks of falsness, of insecurity, of striving for something not quite real. I'll take a quiet walk, a cup of coffee, real conversation and connection with someone worth connecting to anyday, over mandated flowers and chocolate on February 14."

I wish ya'll all the love and joy you deserve. And not just today, everday.