Maybe I Should Have Known Better

Eric’s Room
Hiccupping
Fuck, This sucks.
Only 12:02 pm
Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Maybe I should Have Known Better

I wish I was warm and cuddled somewhere.
Then, maybe, I wouldn’t be suffering this misery that is being alone.

No matter what I say, I always hope it’ll end up better then this, while never honestly counting on much more. No matter what I wish for, I somehow always am left with this.

Incomplete good-byes.
Shifting focus.
Never settled goals.
Unrealized dreams.
Unfinished tasks.

When did I become the road not taken?

And I’m not sure I’m alright with that. Maybe I’m not the crème du jour, but I still deserve validation in my own right. Do I feel less qualified because I haven’t received my physical/mental cum-up-pence that I deserve? Or is that the cause of the funk?

Let’s not lie to ourselves: If the world I lived in mentally existed physically to the degree I wish it so, then I probably wouldn’t be so isolated.

As it turns out . .
I’m not worth that much.
I’m not worth caring about, second time around.
No matter how I convince myself otherwise.

Damn, coming to terms with your own apparent mediocrity, is immensely sadder then realizing you can’t connect with the people around you, no matter how hard you try.