Ok, Fine, I Give

My Room
Seeking Solice via John Mayer
Finishing Special K Red Berries and Soy Milk
Angry with Matt's Busted Ass Coffee Pot
A Wee Bit Depressed
About to go Admit Defeat
Happy Birthday Eric
11:29 am
Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Ok, Fine, I Give

So, it looks like the best way for me to survive this quarter is to drop French for now, and take it again next quarter. There is extensive reasoning behid this. First off, I'm really really behind. Even if I made some miraculous recovery and was able to physically do all the work that I've missed in the last week, I would still be conceptually behind. While it's true that I could theoretically pull through and pass, that's not what I"m about. And if I did pull through and pass, it would be to the detriment of my other courses. This way, I can retake French 202 next quarter, truely learn all the concepts I missed the first time around, and do well in all my other courses this quarter. Logistically, it makes sense.

But it still feels like academic defeat.

My mom called yesterday and acused me of just "losing focus" and then promptly showed her ignorance as related to mono, and me as a person. It really hurt my feelings. True, maybe I have lost a little bit of focus lately, but I still claim sickness first and foremost. Does she really think I'm the kind of person to say I'm sick as an excuse not to go to class, go to work, do anything? Why would someone do that? Why does she have such a low opinion of me? Why does she refuse to see me as a person, and what I am, as opposed to the mental construct that she has created that has little or no bearing to reality?

Enough. Ok, fine, I give.

I went to the doctor again yesterday, and they took about 32 gallons of blood for assundry medical tests. I got to see a REAL doctor, which isn't always the case at the Student Care Center. She gave me antibiotic for the sinus infection, finally, and thinks I have mono too. Which is good, because if it's not mono, what the hell's wrong with me?

Oh a good note, I guess I'm getting used to this virus living in my body. Don't get me wrong, I'm still exhausted all the time, and I still get spacy and light headed easily, but I know my limits, I know when i'm going to need a nap. The exhaustion has started coming in waves, which means that I can accomplish things in small doses. Hopefully, this won't be as completely deabilitating as it has been.

In a way, I'm glad that I got sick though. We all know how I get. I start going, and going and going, and eventually I crash. This time, I got sick instead, which provides much time for quiet reflection. I mean, because of mono, I've stopped smoking and quit drinking, at least for the time being.

Always look to the sunny side? Time to go talk to Aude. Wish me luck.

mono = lame.