Swapped Crazy for Kookie

Work
2:21 pm
Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Swapped Crazy for Kookie

I'm do a little better now. My grasp is still tenuous, and it's taking conscious effort to maintain a semblance of sanity at the moment, but no more dramatic manic episodes. Hooray

And now, I'm just tired.

Tired of:
not sleeping
sleeping alone
noises in my head
the heat
being in this office
Summer Links training sessions
Talking about social issues
being alone

Alii doesn't turn to me for emotional support anymore; she has Katherine. Don't get me wrong: I'm so completely happy for her. Katherine is amazing, and of course that's who she should turn to. Alii deserves nothing less.

But at the same time, where does that leave me? I don't feel comfortable talking to her anymore, as she doesn't talk to me. Is that wrong? Am I being a selfish bitch? probably, but I miss my best friend. I miss the days when one of us would flip our shit, while the other makes sure the world keeps spinning, keeping us safe. Now, Alii goes to Katherine, and I huddle alone on a damp edge of the picnic blanket, sobbing as Beethoven crashes aound me, mimicing the emotional turmoil in my head. It was nice to be crazy with someone else, while now she latches on to Katherine's emotional stability. Not that I blame her, it just leaves me completely unbound.

But what is a body to do? Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. Oh show me the way to the next whiskey bar, oh don't ask why, oh don't ask why. See what I mean about the Kookie?