Old Friends, New Problems

My Office
About to have Yet Another Meeting
1:22 pm
Tuesday, August 1, 2005

Old Friends, New Problems

I love Lauren. I feel like we have grown apart a bit this summer, what with her being in New York, me in Chicago, and both being so fantastically fabulous all the time, we haven't had much time to talk. I called her last week and we caught up. Oh the joy and peace in friendships that don't hold time or distance against each other. We hadn't talked in months, but no one could tell.

She called me this morning, kinda freaking out, and I did my best to offer advice, solace, a listening ear, a proverbial shoulder. And I was flattered. I didn't think that I would be the person that she would call in such a situation. Me? You're asking me for relationship advice? Or more aptly, reaching out for someone who can help you make sense of it all, and I'm the one your went with?

Thank you for having that much faith in my abilities, life experiences and for thinking that I'll be able to help. Have some faith in him too, kiddo.

After that eventful, advice laden commute to work today, I was also thankful for one more aspect of it: companionship.

I'm lonely. Okay, point taken. I'm also having to reevaluated my ideas of love. I spent a large portion of Sunday night talking about all this, and that, and Tall Blond Biochemists with Alii on Friday. While that was a conversation that I greatly needed, and am immensely grateful for, I still felt alone. As if no one has ever been as lonely as I -- knowing I'm self-centered to feel that way.

So, when Lauren called to say someone else didn't call, I was thankful that the universe decided to show me that I'm not alone, while giving me the chance to say thing that I too need to hear. I almost feel as if, after Lauren and I not talking for so long, then coming together over a mutual grievance, we've taken a larger step towards cementing our friendship against the changes of time. And that's conforting.

Maybe neither of us will ever get the calls we're waiting for. Maybe we've both been huge, horrible judges in character. Maybe we've both been lied to this entire time. Maybe our hearts were exposed fresh, new, with a courage that we fought so hard to achieve, only to be shunned by those who tenderness we most expressly asked for. But at least if that is the case, (which I objectively don't think it is, especially for Lauren) we can at least always call each other.