Slowly Flipping My Shit

Work
Sleepy, Sick, Aching All Over
Haven't Done Work in a Week
ACW opens in 10 Days
7:06 pm
Monday, May 2, 2005


Slowly Flipping My Shit

For some reason, my life has suddenly run quickly out of my grasp. My wits are scattered, my horses are out of reign, and I am going crazy.

I haven't been sleeping.
I haven't been eating.
I haven't been doing work.

I've been going to rehearsal, wanting to bang my head against a wall. When did this become soul sucking? It's partially because I feel like we're spinning our wheels, and I feel that I'm not creatively fulfilled. More importantly, I can't start doing homework unti midnight, then I'm up till 3:00. Class at 9:30, trying to finish the work that I didn't do the day before during my lunch break -- therefore not eating. Being at rehearsal early, leaving late. It sucks a lot, and I can't wait until it's over.

24-Hour Playz was this weekend, and it was fantastic -- I directed, as well as played God. Only in Naked Theater could I go from playing a smack addict to God in 10 weeks. I win. It made me realize that I want to direct more. This was fabulous. It think a large part of my fustration -- beside sheer physical exhaustion and not enough hours in the universe -- is that I need to be more artistically involved in a show. Stage managing is great, and I love it, but there's a part of me that's not fulfilled. If I had time to paint, or something to satisfy that artisitic need, I'd be cool, but as it stand. . . not so much.

Don't get me wrong: I love ACW. I love each and every person that's working on this show, and I've never been so proud of one group of people in my entire life. It's going to be fabulous, and I know that this frustration is part and parcel with Stage Managing. I know every show has it's moments of blah. I feel unappreciated, taken for granted, and generally physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Would I change it for the world? Hell no. Will I be happy when it's over? You bet your ass I will.

I'm seeing shit, I'm weak, my hands shake, my back spazms, and I'm slowly losing fine motor skills. Not only is there the state of my life, but there's also a flu thing going around, which of course, I think I'm going to get soon. My throats all sucky, and I'm feverish. What is to be done?

I didn't got one of my classes today because I decided sleep and a shot at sanity are more important. Tomorrow, between budget meetings, French lectures and work, I'm going to read like a mo' fo'.

10 Days Till I Get My Life Back.

Hehe. In 12 days, or so Alii and I move into our apartement. Not that we're going to have time to pack or unpack,but whatever. We've decided to live like squatters for a while if need be. We plan on making a cheesecake, and camping on the floor the first night, watching West Wing, drinking wine and eating that entire goddamn thing. It'll be fabulous.

At least Alii knows what it's like when the world refuses to sit still. Blah! I'm going to do some reading.