So, Everything Pretty Much Sucks

Ouch.
Goddamnit.
This Sucks.
I'm getting kicked in the ass by Educational Organization
My Back Hates Me
Thank Christ for herbal refreshment
Boo Boo Boo
6:00 pm
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Days of Teenager -ness = 2

So, Everything Pretty Much Sucks

My back hates me and wants me to die
It hurts to sit.
It hurts to hold my head up.
Walking is a conscious activity if I want it to happen at all.
Boo.

Not only that, but I'm behind in work. I mean, I'm doing fine in everything except for my grad class. There's just an insurmountable pile of reading to do. I've been reading all day, and will continue into the evening.

Also, we were all going to go to the symphony for my birthday, but we fucked off and didn't get tickets early enough (Matt) and now it's sold out. At this point, I refuse to organize my own birthday. I know that I do tend to act as a social catalyst, or at least foci in our ellipses of friends, but I feel lame doing for myself. Alii said she and Matt will figure it out, so I'm not going to worry. We're going to try to go somewhere that requires us to dress up, which will rock my face off. Damn. I need to go to the drycleaners tomorrow.

And, since Ayse can't come on Friday, a bunch of us will once again be celebrating my birthday Friday night at Turkish Cuisine and Bakery. Hooray! Not only is it BYOB, it's amazing, and they have music. Ayse and Scott and the rest of the crew are going. Now only if Bryan, Eric, and Lauren were in attendance. And my dad.

I miss my Dad.
And Spartacus.

I spent a portion of the day today looking for internships in Austin. I found one site that looks very promising. It's called InRoads, and it's been consistently ranked as one of the top 10 organizations to intern with, along with the White House and the Supreme Court. You have to be a minority and commit to working for two summers. No problem. They're business oriented, so here's to Graduate school. I submitted the first application part and am now waiting for someone to contact me.

I guess, to admit it to y'all and myself, I'm a little freaked out about my future. I tend to have a pretty firm grasp on where my life is going, but at this point, too many factors are in the air for my liking.

I want to live in Austin this summer, but that means I need an internship, or awesome job that allows me to pay to live there and make enough money to come back to school.

Hopefully though, I'll be in Paris Autumn Quarter next year, but I have to apply soon.

Alii and I want to live together next year. That means we have to find an apartment, I have to figure out how to pay for it (financial aid covers it I think. It's actually cheaper to live in an apartment then in a dorm.)

And, if we find this fabled apartment of lore, then I have to find someone to sublease it for me for Autumn Quarter,
theoretically.

Boonarue is something that I've wanted to do, an experience I'd like to give myself for the 12 years of work that got to getting to this frozen wasteland, and the year for growth that went to being where I am now, and the insane amount of work it's going to take to get my life where I want it next.

That means I need to A) buy a ticket, B) move out of the dorm early (which is contingent on my mother, and that makes me angsty. Lord knows she probably will be less then willing to help me on this since it's just, ya know, horribly important to me. How can she not understand the having goals that invovle fun is necessary?), C) I need to figure out how to get there, which mean flying to Tennesse and having Bryan pick me up.

All of these things make me very unsure of where my upcoming place in the universe is. I truely don't want to end up in Tyler again for a summer. I'm also going to appy to Summer Links, which would place me in non-profit here in Chicago. That would also rock, but not near as much as Austin with Bryan.

Speaking of Bryan: he rocks my face off. I had a dream last night invovling our apartment, and live in Austin. It was hillarious. There was all sorts of debauchery going on, but the good clean kinda, not the kind that makes you wake up with regret. Just thought I'd share. If you read this B-man, call me because this dream was pretty damn brillant. You were especially bling-tastic. Here's to bling-trillessence. Did I tell you that I'm going to the fabric store this week to get stuff to make our flag and shirts and shits for Boonarue? Yea. It's gonna kick all sorts of ass.

And Eric. Hunny, I love you. I feel like a bad friend, being so far away, not able to help you through the indefinable time of blah that you're going through right now. I haven't been in your exact position, but I've been somewhere in the vacinity, and it sucks. I try not to worry because I know that you are an infinitly resourceful individual, who is smart, talented, and aware of what you want from life. I know you're courageous enough to go after those goals, which includes taking steps to ensue your own mental well being, and I'm positive that you'll come out on the other side a better person for it. I mean, for you, the king of "let's understand this," this could be looked at as the ultimate experience: someone qualified is going to help you figure out you. I know it's disconcerting to not know why you do things you do, or why you can't change your attitude. I also know that you'll figure it out.

I miss my friends from home. I feel like we're all so close, at least when I'm home. I'm going to try harder to maintain that emotional closeness despite the miles, because honestly speaking, we need each other more now then we do over the holidays we spend together. It's when you're away from your friends that you most need them to help remind you of who you really are. I love you guys, and I'll start calling more. Y'all do the same, bitches.

Also, I have my first belly dancing show January 22. It's become very important to me. I love it, and I think that I don't suck. I need to perform again. Alii and I are thinking of trying to start dancing in various places to make money. She's done it before, and there are a lot of places that look for belly dancers in Chicago. I don't think I'm that good though. Yet at least.

Oh, and a few minutes ago, I went upstairs and ran into Sara -- one of the resident heads."

"Hey Mia, did Grant (other RH) email you?
"No."
"Oh, well, we wanted to talk to you for a bit? Can you stop by tonight? You're not in trouble."
"Uhh. . Sure."

I'm doing my best not to freak out, but it's not working all that well. I mean, what do they want? I'm also feeling guilty for falling down on my House Vice President duties and not being on top of birthdays last quarter. In my own defense, I wasn't much on top of anything because of my illness, and will defend myself to them if need be. No stress. I will not stress.

This is mildly amussing and goes to show the state I'm in: as I started to think about talking to them, I started to get anxious, then I felt my back tense up. Thinking about that = back pain.

Goddamnit, everything pretty much sucks.
At least I uploaded all my life Phish and now have 18 hours of scintillating, delicious musical treats.