This weekend Alii, Lauren, Katherine and I went to Summer Camp. 4 days, 3 nights, 3 stages, 120 bands. And more hippies then you care to count. It was amazing: wonderful people, chillin' to the max, full of substances, and just goddamn beautiful. Did I mention the jams?

It was my third, fourth and fifth time to see moe. and I can honestly say, I'm now a fan. I saw their Halloween show my first year. It was pretty amazing, but I decided not to pass musical judgment because they spent most of the time playing metal covers and generally fucking around. Think costumes and 80s hair wigs. Don't get me wrong: it was spectacular, but not an accurate representation of moe. I saw them again with Karl last year when Alii had the plague. The show was jammin'. So jammin' in fact that I passed out. The strong and handsome Karl swept me up and carried me out of the crowd to minister to my needs, but I missed most of the show. Again, I decided to with hold judgment until I witnessed an entire show sans death metal and managed to stay on my feet the entire time.

This weekend, I had my chance, and OMG -- it was soo good. I know that's a trite way to put it, but OMG. I under estimated them not only as performers, but as musicians as well. The xylophone is a spectacular instrument. And the lights. THE LIGHTS. Enough said. After the first night, I left wanting more. After the second night, I wanted more still. They delivered, making each night a wholly difference yet equally enjoyable musical experience.

That being said, I have some qualms about how they run a festival.

1. Inadequate water sources. 2 spigots. 8,0000 people. No shitting you. Ewww.
2. Having to haul all our shit in from the parking lot. My back = destroyed. And the shuttle didn't run the entire time. Boo.
3. Complete chaos in camping sites. Anarchy!
4. having to get A DIFFERENT TICKET FOR LATE SHOWS FOR $10 A SHOW. I'm sorry Summer Camp, I already paid my money for this weekend and I want more music then I can handle. The shows end at midnight and what, you didn't manage to find the place to get late night tickets? Sorry. No more music for you. Not cool. NOT COOL.

I had a bit of a come-to-Jesus moment while I was there. I realized, while sitting at the moe. show Saturday, that this, THIS is what I want to do with the rest of my life. Camp out, get sweaty, jam at shows, meet random people, enjoy nature, bling. Life the life you love, right? How can I do that?

I'm now looking for a way to organize festivals for a living. Volunteer coordination, large event planning. Something. Hopefully I can find a way to break into the industry this summer and after graduation, disappear into the musical horizon for at least two years. I want that to be my life -- I live from show to show.

What am I doing to make this a reality? Volunteering at festivals this summer to get experience. Doing research into opportunites for after graduation. Jammin' my face off every chance I get. I may try to intern for jambase.com for three months. It's an unpaid internship, but the experience would be life altering and provide just the break I need. If I could be a contributing writer for Jambase, doing festival reviews. Again, OMG. I could live with my aunt and uncle, check out Berkeley, see Yitz. I know this is all a long way off, yet I need something to work towards. Live the Life You Love. No really, do it.

And in other news, I realized that I want to love a boy in a skirt. I could save time and say, "I want to love a boy" but the 'In a skirt" qualifier is extra special. Bryan and I discussed the phenomenon of boys in skirts while at Bonnaroo. At festivals, it's not until the second full day and the first Real Night of Jam that the boys in skirts come out. There has to be a certain level of dankness that's reached, a wanton abandoning of the norms of the outside world, a head-long rushing into the brilliant jumble of the jam before the faithful cargo shorts are abandoned for less constricting garb. Then, once the boys in skirts appear, forgoing pants in a nod to greater comfort, jam mobility and well, looking damn cool, all can rest assured that the weekend is going to be surreal.

And that's what I want. Not just a boy. But a boy in a skirt. He can wear one of mine, hell, and we'll jam till dawn, falling asleep in a field as the sun comes up. It's so heartening to go to fests and see all the hippies with their others: long veterans of golden summers, new loves testing the sound waves, and everything in between. And that's what I want, but I know not how to find it. Yet another motivation for me to fully enter that world, to get out there and meet like minded people, look for love. I figure, somewhere there has to be a hippie as lonely as I.

I've been waiting for love to find me. That hasn't been working. Time for a new course of action.

In other, other news: I didn't think of Adam all weekend. And I'm pretty sure he stopped thinking of me at all a long time ago. And I'm okay with that. The taste of failure is bitter, but I'm not sure whos failure it is. Both of ours possibly. If he were a little stronger, if I were a little weaker. I refuse to be the only one to believe in the possability of a forever as well as the only one willing to work for it.

To quickly change the subject before I think to much and get all weepy: in another attempt to find what I'm looking for without knowing exactly what that entails, I've accepted a job in Chicago this summer. (Camp Duncan decided to fill the Adventure Director with someone already on staff.)

You're reading the blog of the newest Field Manager for Environment Illinois. Yea, we're one of those groups that stands around asking people for donations on the street -- canvassing. But there's more to it for me. We working to fight global warming! I'll be leading trainings, organizing press conferences, writing press releases and grant proposals, as well as canvassing. You know what else they do? Organize camping trips to festivals in Illinois to run tents telling hippies the campaign. Yea, I know. That's a tune I can jam to.

I was a bit hesitant about accepting this job. I mean, seriously, those people that accost you in front of the Art Institute are pretty damn annoying. But on the application it asked me a telling question.

"What, in your opinion, is the greatest problem facing society today, why, and what are you doing to solve it?"

To me, it seems that the greatest problem facing society, especially young intellects like me is the inability to mobilize. That's all good in practice, but what does the theory say? Recognizing the problems is easy. It's the getting off your lazy ass and doing something about it that proves difficult. This year has been a selfish year for me in terms of Saving the World: I should be doing more. I feel it's time to live what I preach. So, environment Illinois, here I come. I'm going to be a student activist. Woot. Truthfully, it's a dream come true.

Besides ideologically, there are other reasons I think that this job is the best one for me. Over the past couple of years, I've become both more judgmental and introverted. At some other point I'll expound on what I gather the reasons for this to be but to sum: the uncertainty of my head makes me hesitant to reach out to others. And this makes me sad. So, how do I combat these new characteristics? By placing myself in a situation where my paycheck depends on my outgoing, persuasive people skills. Yup. It's going to be a challenge.

Bring it on